:: .:d i c e d:. ::

I'd like to write a poem or prose so nice
The ones that ooze with good advice
The types full of wisdom and truth
The ones that can calm and soothe

Or maybe a verse full of wit
That'll make readers go "That's neat!"
But all I can come up with is this lousy thing
About the things I keep wishing

I should come to terms with it
I really can't write for shit
DAMMIT!

Free Palestine!

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v Monday, May 02, 2005 v

I was in such a fucking tantrum yesterday, God knows why I was so hateful, all over a stupid salad.

Maybe it was a snowball of everything, worrying about dentistry and my weight and everything. yet, when my parents asked if I wanted to learn cycling I said no. I was so fucking insulted when Abah said I needed physical activity. I would love how to cycle so i can get the fuck away whenever I want to but, my pride said no. So did I. I fucking hated they way, I bet they were discussing everyhting. ANyway, I just feel rebellious. the truth is I realised I am fat, fatter than before yet I let it keep sliding by. Because I've come to the point where I feel all hope is lost.
Right now, I feel that way. Hopefully I feel better, but the point is I don't want someone to help me. Well, I do but I don't. I want to be bitter and resentful towards them & blame others for not being supportive enough. Which is true, because they never cook healthy food. And the point is, I don't want their help, because no one understands. Not them. To be torn up inside this way.

And I hate people who act righteous & selfless and paitent and are RIGHT all the time. Don't tell me what's right or wrong I can judge it for myself. I just want to be & feel, without anyone intruding.

I feel so much hate and anger inside. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Why does Allah let me feel this way? I pray Allah, please help me.

Anyway I still feel angry. I am so fucking mad. mad mad mad mad. fuck fuck fuck. So frustrated with myself & everyone. You know the Senses Fail CD 'Let it enfold you'? The cover art is exactly how I feel.











argh rgh rghI want to cry and scream and turn everything upseide down.

~wYLdeFiLLy~ 9:43 pm [+]